I have so much to say that doesn’t belong on the internet.
I wish I felt the warm fuzzies I normally feel this time of year. Mostly I feel a mix of anxiety and mental exhaustion.
That said, it doesn’t mean I lack things to be thankful for.
I have a home. The best husband, friends and coworkers anyone could ask for. A family that loves me and that I love back dearly. My sweet, crazy Heidi and handsome snuggler Jack. A job that I usually enjoy that pays me a living wage. Mentors to seek advice from. And let’s not forget Netflix.
I’ve been off work since last Friday, and this is my favorite holiday, so I ought to be in higher spirits. Plus I have a cruise to look forward to in a month and a few days. But sometimes I just feel weighed down by the world. I’ve become older and maybe wiser or maybe just more cynical. But when I read the list above, which is pretty much the same list it is every year, I remember why it’s worth the effort to attempt to spare my spirit from the soul-crushing boulder this world can be.
That sounds a lot more dramatic than I intended it. It’s just that the world is a shitty place, and it’s probably always been this way, but when you are younger, if you’re lucky, like I was, people tend to shield you from that reality. And then you get older and you see more and more of what people are capable of and how many people are suffering and how injustice is just tolerated as a fact of life. And you learn how little your vote actually counts and how all your leadership options are owned by corporations, and you see that even good intentions will be squashed or transformed into something unrecognizable.
And on a smaller scale, you watch the people around you take each other for granted, and you know you are guilty of the same, and you think about the moment in which they will no longer be around to take for granted anymore, the day you will look back and wish you’d said more, done more, loved more.
Yep. Still sounding a little dramatic tonight.
The important thing is, this is why I love what Thanksgiving has become. I’m not talking about the whole native Americans and pilgrims Thanksgiving, but what we have made it today. A day to share with loved ones and to focus on what we have instead of what we don’t have. What I have is a crazy huge support system to make me feel better when I’m down and out, to share my anger and to celebrate my successes. And I get to do the same for them, and it’s easy and rewarding and natural, because when you love someone, their hardships are your hardships and their triumphs are your triumphs. I never have to bear my burdens alone, and I always have someone to clink glasses with.
The world still sucks. But my world is nice. And I suppose the next step is to focus on trying to make other people’s worlds nice too.